The Poodle Wears Prada

Have you ever had one of those nights, where you have fallen asleep utterly exhausted on the lounge, woken up stiff necked and bleary eyed (and generally with the TV still on E! Channel, which is not surprisingly the only news channel I watch) to then go ahead and wake yourself up all over again in a flurry of last minute chores and some hard core go to bed routine that you just can’t break? (well, if your idea of hard core is bringing in the washing, feeding the poodle and brushing your teeth – its nothing but erotica in my house folks) Anyway, I have done just that and now sit here wide awake after apparently fooling my body into thinking it was 7am (the morning routine is very similar you see, but we add doing our hair and practicing our smile into it).

Now before you get all clever on me (I’m the brainy one here, remembering I’m in the bottom 9% to ever sit the Coles Supermarkets exam) don’t get to thinking I’m sitting here awake at whatever time the post entry time above may actually tell you, and go believing me to be wingeing and moaning about being awake at approx 9.10pm. Due to my stand against the telephone companies (Scroll down, still haven’t learned to link posts – despite my winning style on the grocery store aptitude test) I don’t even have net access at home. To my employers utter dismay (and possible surprise when they read this) I regularly have to borrow both their time and broadband access to keep everyone riveted on my day to day life (thanks also goes to whoever in the world is rated above the 9% by chain stores, as they were obviously smart enough to invent the USB stick for me as well as doing a sterling job as a shelf packer – forgive me if I sound cynical, I guess I haven’t quite yet recovered from the Coles rejection email debacle)

So here I sit buzzing with life (sadly not literally), poodle as always (apart from a rather depressing post further down the page) by my side. For everyone’s viewing pleasure I thought I would throw in a photograph of her tonight………….excuse her big hair, she is a bit of a fan of the 80’s apparently.

I should probably add I don’t actually own this poodle, somewhere along the line she just adopted me somehow, and I became the proud surrogate mother to a dog that sports an array of clothing that would rival Carrie Bradshaw. (though she doesn’t have any stilettos, so that’s probably not a very good comparison) What I most like about this canine (apart from her toothy grin and beguiling eyes) is that in summer she gets quite the stylish hair do (courtesy of the Puppy Parlour Fluff and Fold) and teams her look with what I like to think of as her very own ugg boots (like a true slave to fashion – much like her big hair – she chooses to wear her legs covered when the rest of her is bare) She is the epitome of cutting edge style. It got me to thinking (something I clearly do far too much of) that as far as I know there isn’t actually a Vogue for Dogs, and maybe I could begin one for other fashion savvy puppies out there?

Speaking of fashion (we probably weren’t but it’s my blog and I’ll say what I want) I’d also like to speak out about this Emo kid look. I would like especially to speak out about skinny jeans on boys and men. What I’d like to say as I speak out I’m not actually sure, just that I DON”T LIKE IT ONE BIT. (nor have I seen it featured in Vogue, not once – for dogs, cats or otherwise) (Come to think of it – I also didn’t like the oversized jean look either – when are designers going to find a happy medium for the world of denim?)

I feel a bit better now I’ve had my say on all that. While we are here I think I would like to quickly speak out about oversized buttons and the return of the mullet too. You won’t find my (surrogate) poodle wearing any of it while I’m alive. (actually I take back the mullet part, her hair does tend to veer more towards the Billy Ray Cyrus look than we would both care to admit)

Moving on from fashion (we weren’t really moving anywhere but can I remind you again I’m the author of this rant) I would also like to speak out about the smell of moth balls, a majority of the men I’ve dated, and people who walk slowly in front of me.

I refuse to speak out against wine, as I’m partaking of one now (this makes approximately 98% of this entire blog written whilst under the influence of some kind – if not by alcohol than by my own melancholy – or at worst, both)

Before I leave you (I think I’ve spoken out enough for one night) I thought I would give you one last picture of the grey prancing powder puff who doesn’t answer to Jessica (at twelve years of age, she is a little slow in learning her name) who is looking not quite as full of Christmas cheer as I believe I was when I decided a poodle would indeed look fabulous in a pair of antlers.

And now……I’m off to try to get some sleep. See you say, Friday.