As Only I Can (or Todays Looser Status No.2)

An amusing thing happened to me today (well even more amusing than being alarmed at the sight of my own self in the mirror wearing nothing but a kooky look and a shower cap a couple of days ago) Today I managed to be both rejected for one lowly job and promoted in another (not lowly job), all within the space of an hour.

If you recall from my earlier post (‘Todays Looser Status’ - scroll down here please, stuffed if I know how to link it like the real bloggers do) you’ll recall that just a few short days ago I was bemoaning my current financial woes and wishing someone would whisk me of to a northern QLD island (actually that last part isn’t true at all, I just wanted to throw that in, in case someone takes pity and wants to shout me a tropical holiday) Anyway, there I was stuck between a rock and a hard place (and let me tell you, its been a while since I’ve been near anything hard – boom boom) with neither phone nor car to my name (well I had both, but both were as useless to me as an ashtray on a bike at the time. For the record, I really hate that saying but anything else is eluding my right now) Being the proactive chick I am (or just really broke and desperate) I decided to shake off my pride and get a second income.

I would become………………a shelf packer. Going by the exciting title of night fill and dawn fill – (which I might add again, I’ve been neither for a while – boom boom) I completed my online application and waited for the call to tell me when to start.

To my great surprise and delight (or perhaps not... I know I write a killer resume and on paper could probably run for Prime Minister) I then heard back that I was to complete my application by simply executing (being the operative word) an online test. Rubbing hands together with glee thinking extra cash was soon to be mine, I followed the links (easy so far) and set to work.

In alarm I realised after about the forth question (on my permanent jobs time by the way, lets pray my employer never reads this blog) I still had the grand total of 876 questions left. Throwing caution to the wind (or fearful of my boss walking in) I quickly answered and moved on to the next section of the exam. The next section involved maths……….

Long story short, maths is not me. I am not maths.

Now I don’t consider myself an idiot, I’m articulate (ish), well spoken (unless I’ve been drinking which happens a little too frequently for everyone’s liking) and hold a responsible job in a well respected company (possibly not well respected for much longer now I work there). Though I don’t currently, I have previously had staff under me (actually maybe I should say I have ‘managed’ staff instead, if they had been under me they might have got that pay rise they were after - boom boom) In other words, I thought I was well qualified enough to do the odd morning shift placing dog food neatly on the shelf in rows. Needless to say, with 876 questions left involving maths and finding some bastard had nicked the calculator off my desk (again) and being incapable of doing any calculations in my own head……….I guessed all the answers.

Guessing ‘0’ for every question proved incorrect obviously. How was I too know they really used these aptitude tests?!?!

Imagine my surprise to open my email this morning to discover I was amongst the bottom 9% to ever sit the exam. Politely outlined in the email was the explanation I was unsuitable for the position I had applied for and that I was not to apply for a further twelve months. I think the exact words were “you suck dumbass, don’t ever contact us again”.

Picking up my wounded pride (and glancing furtively around the office to ensure no one had read the dismal email over my shoulder) I logged out of the personal email account and got back to work. (actually I emailed co-workers on the work email of my sad plight that I had been rejected as a shelf packer – but I did so with a fair amount of bustle and flurry, and looked convincingly busy).

Forty minutes later (or thereabouts, numbers not being my strong point) I was called into a meeting to be told of exciting developments involving pay rises, mobile phones and car allowances, all with my name on them. Allow me to swear here……….this is no shit.

Life just sometimes throws you a curve ball doesn’t it, and you manage to catch the bloody thing.

Long story short again (get it? That’s a joke – nothing I say is ever short) I recovered from the shock – left the boardroom and spent the evening chuckling over the fact Coles had rejected me and my work had promoted me all on the same day.

I’m not really sure what the significance here is, though a co-worker who I believe was under the influence of vodka when she text me this gem – pointed out that selected and rejected are apparently the same in the phone dictionary.

I tell you, we employ some brilliant minds here don’t we?!

And on that note…………I’m off for the evening. I realized I forgot to give you the random things about LW trivia / fantail moment (for those that remember fantails) yesterday, I think I was too caught up in my post about life, love and other disasters. (I may also have partaken of wine and spent the evening going through pictures of past loves if you didn’t guess) So just for you……..two completely useless random things about me

1. I have never eaten the worm in the bottom of a tequila bottle. (I am yet to find a bottle with the worm in there actually, or maybe I’m just too drunk by the end to notice)

2. I once voted for the bundy bear in a state election (yes, I did live to regret it and I ensure every vote now counts to make up for my botched views on politics when I was young)

Worth waiting for wasn’t it? And for the record my car is now back on the road and my phone has been re-connected – try not to ring me all at once.

PS: Big shout out and kisses *mwah mwah* to the mentioned ‘brilliant minded’ co-worker who assists daily in keeping me sane in the mad house that we work in. Raising my glass to you chickie. Cheers!