Inside the Underwear Drawer

So I was thinking tonight that over the last couple of years I have managed to discuss an entire range of things on this blog.

Men, love, relationships, work, accessorising, hair removal, cats, dogs, horses, weight control (or lack there of) alcohol intake (or lack there of), hell, I think even my puppies have rated a mention a time or two, and I don’t mean the barking yapping kind.

But here’s something I’ve never dedicated a post to before. Underwear.

Sorry bout the left of centre idea, but my sister reminded me tonight (having learnt of my new love of aprons) that I once had a wardrobe just for my g-bangers. This is an exaggeration of course, wasn’t a wardrobe at all, was a mere cupboard / sideboard affair…. Joking.

I did once have 56 pairs of knickers though, and for the record they will actually fit into just a couple of drawers, and let’s face it, my knickers use to consist of a lot less material than they do now.

These days it’s all about the boy legs, the comfort bonds undies, or the big suck-my-tummy-in-tight versions,. I wore my big Bridget Jones undies to a wedding one night and TLOML (the love of my life remember, far out, don’t you folk pay any attention?) well the TLOML was mortified as when I sat down at one stage, my dress rode up a bit and you could see the long legged beige ‘I’m too old and fat to wear a fitted dress without this underwear’ show somewhere on my (rapidly aging and expanding) thigh.

Turns out he wasn’t embarrassed by the flash of thigh on show, poor deluded bloke still thinks they are perfectly acceptable (bless him and the horse he rode in on) but worried the world (well, anyone briefly glancing my way for around two seconds) saw that I had succumbed and wore such tasteless panties.

Actually whilst we are on the subject of knickers, does anyone else cringe when they hear the word ‘panty’. It’s wrong on so many varying levels, just because I say so.

So anyway, that was the last time I wore the Bridget Jones, after I shoe horned my way into them, which took about half an hour, I discovered it then takes an additional half hour to get them off . Needless to say, all but the most ardent lover would have given up by then, if they hadn’t have already been turned off by the mere sight.

These days I no longer have 56 pairs of knickers, I’m down to a mere 24 or so, its much more manageable, except for the fact as I mentioned, they are somewhat bulkier than the undies of my youth. In fact, in a few more years I may as well just wear a burka and be done with it. Now, moving on….

This leads me to bras. Does anyone wish to move on the bras now? I’m hoping not, cause I’m not quite ready to discuss them yet. That moment in Bras and Things where I discovered I was at least a D cup, still has me hyperventilating, nor have I worked out what to do with the numerous C Cup bras I still own, which for the record quite possibly match the underwear count.

Something I would like to know though is do men really admire underwear as much as I do? Now, TLOML is certainly a practical fella, so he doesn’t seem to even notice if it matches, has lace, cute prints, or merely holds my puppies up. (not the barking kind) On the bright side, I no longer feel the urge to stuff my drawers (the storage kind) with expensive, cutesy, pretty, seductive, or raunchy underwear.

Granted, I still have a lot of it, some fetishes never die we just merely learn to quash them down a bit, but the amount residing in there is more of a leftover from the old days and a reluctance to throw them out.

So that’s my knicker story, riveting wasn’t it?

Aprons and Hair Ribbons

It’s been brought to my attention that I’ve been a very bad blogger. It wasn’t brought to my attention nicely either, rather a friend saying “you suck since you got all in love”.

We’re mature like that, my friends and I. We talks good.

I can’t deny it though, looking through my blog I only seem to write to update on what’s been happening since I haven’t been writing to tell you about what’s been happening (keep up). So yes, slap me around cruel world, I do indeed suck!

We could blame it on the man, referred to henceforth as The Love Of My Life (TLOML even, as we all know how I love that text talk) anyway, we could blame it on him, if it was like, his fault. But it’s not your honour I swear.

I really have been still busily tapping away these past couple of years, and sometimes I even get paid for it. The fact someone is willing to part with some dollars to read my dribble still thrills me. Sadly I don’t earn enough to give up the day job, so I continue to keep that. Sometimes I even turn up.

Other times I sit on the lounge and eat Pringles but that’s a whole other story…..

But what with tapping away chasing a dollar, attending work and trying to look intelligent, renovating a house (um, can no one point out our kitchen STILL isn’t painted yet…….actually do, maybe it will hurry TLOML up to complete it..) anyway, I got slack and stopped. So blame life if anything, blame the crazy people willing to offer me money to type, cause I end up sitting here so long at the laptop trying to think of things to write about, that my brain malfunctions and I realise I have nothing left to write here.

But enough about that, what I do promise is that I’m not going to update you with what’s been going on, cause who wants to hear about the argument about what colour to paint a wall?

I will just jump in with todays thought. Which I haven’t actually thought of yet.

What did excite me today though (I’ll tell you about this whilst I try to think of a thought) what did excite me today was receiving my spotlight catalogue in the mail and seeing some truly heavenly aprons.

Yes, I just wrote that line.

I sense the past two years of co-habiting have changed me somewhat. For the better I think as my wine consumption is very slightly down at least, although lets just say we are still working on that one. But I’ve certainly changed.

Recently at work (one of those days that I turned up and tried to look intelligent I mean) a friend and I were discussing the old style housewives. (Oh wait, best stop to shout hello to Talia - picture me waving madly) anyway, she was telling me about the old handbook on how to be a good housewife. You got your mans slippers out ready, you had tea ready, you put a fresh ribbon in your hair and smoothed your apron and powdered your nose, ready to present him with his pipe and slippers on arrival.

Now, listen up, here is the ‘new me’ bit.

I didn’t scoff, I was quietly alarmed that all that feminist bra burning had gone on, and yet I still enjoyed making a home and doing some of those things. I almost asked for a copy of this guide.

I know, it surprises me too. Whilst I don’t go so far as the guide suggested, (especially as for instance, I’m sitting here in my flannelette pyjamas covered in brown monkeys and sporting green woolly socks) but I do enjoy things like opening the yard gates so he doesn’t have to stop and get out, fussing around the kitchen (with a glass of wine of course) preparing dinner before he gets home, and now here I am hankering after a new apron.

Yes, I hang my head in shame, I already own two.

If all this isn’t bad enough, I also found myself on my day off yesterday lovingly re-arranging my Tupperware cupboard. After cleaning out the pantry…..

On the bright side though, I can still drink many people under the table, consider rum an essential breakfast food whilst camping, and managed to turn up at my God sons first birthday party incredibly hungover.

So I haven’t morphed into a stepford wife completely, but I have certainly surprised myself how happy I am pottering in the garden and hanging around home. (even if it is in unattractive pj’s).

Whats interesting (or maybe it isn’t, but I still haven’t thought of todays thought) is that for years society created what they thought women were meant to do in the home then. And now, society is busy creating how we are meant to act now in this new century.

We should be strong, independent, sexually aware and able to service our own cars whilst rocking the baby in one hand, and preparing a gourmet meal with the other and finishing off a management report for work in our heads. And you know what, I like to think I’m all that (although my knowledge of cars isn’t past realising that the wheels are the rubber things on the bottom you put on the road) but at the same time, I don’t want to feel bad that I like making a home.

Is it just me or has society gone so far that some women (I’m sure I’m not alone) almost feel bad these days about loving their man, and wanting to stay at home and wear their apron? You can’t act like that anymore, well you can, but it's starting to get frowned down upon, possibly by the exhausted women who are servicing the car, watching the kids, working at a kick arse job and running the home. Poor buggers are probably so exhausted they don’t have time to enjoy donning an apron anymore.

So, that has now morphed into my thought for the day.

Aprons and hair ribbons and cats that go meow. Okay, I made that last bit up, I just didn’t want to do a whole blog without mentioning my cat :-)

So now I have mentioned Jeff the cat, and admitted my shame of the aprons, its time for me to sign off again.

I have dinner to prepare, a man to lovingly admire, and oh alright…. a bottle of wine waiting.

Farewell 2009

And here we are. 2010.

It’s sort of less impressing than what I thought the year 2010 would be really. I grew up in an era where there was no Internet and my source of information was a show called Beyond 2000. No wonder I’m underwhelmed, according to it I’m meant to be flying around in my hover car all Jetson style by now. (PS is it interesting that my two favourite cartoons in the whole world are set in the future and the past, being The Flintsones and The Jetsons? No you are right, its not interesting……moving on)

So anyway, I’m not flying around in my spaceship slash hover craft slash car slash shopping trolley. I’m still in a nondescript 4 cylinder that gets me around far less glamorously than Beyond 2000 predicted. In a way, this is a good thing; I hate flying and heights anyway.

But as I was saying, here we are in 2010. As I get older the years really do go quicker, proving that youth really is wasted on the young. All that time wasted in my 20’s thinking my arse was too big, wow, if only I could have seen it in 2010, I would have had a much more carefree existence.

But I can’t complain, because life threw some real curveballs at people close to me last year, whilst I remain relatively unscathed. Sure, I did my own soul searching and all that gaff, tears will always fall on occasions, but I didn’t have to go through the extent of emotional turmoil that others did, and for this I’m grateful, and in a way I'm glad I was (for once!) the level headed one that was able to offer some support and words when needed. Maybe in 2009 I finally learnt that life isn’t all about me after all. That sometimes you need to let it revolve around someone else for a while, and help them find their way to 2010 whatever way they can. Therein lays another lesson in a way, sometimes the world revolves around someone even when they don’t want it to, and as much as it can hurt, the world just keeps on doing its own thing.

Sun rises, sun sets, seasons pass. Maybe in 2010 I’ll make more of an effort to appreciate each one of them too.

So moving on, because crikey, I’ve been serious for a good few paragraphs now, and quiet frankly I’ve had enough. For approximately three weeks I’ve been trying to start a 'Welcome to 2010 rada rada rada' post, but sadly, I’ve been somewhat hungover in most of my free time, and this combined with the death of my laptop (henceforth known as the 'Great Toshiba Incident of 2009') has meant its eluded me (or maybe I’ve just been lazy, take your pick)

So, reading my friends entry here http://sometimesitsbetteroutthanin.wordpress.com/, I’d decided I’d rip her idea (sorry love, I know you will understand!) and also do the goodbye to 2009 survey.

Here we go (can I just add here, I do so love a survey. If I ever end up unemployed I might just make my career surfing the web and completing surveys)

Away we go folks, pour a drink, this could take a while.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Allowed someone else to name a pet of mine. This is how my beloved and I (yes those of you wondering, still loved up here) ended up with a cat called Jeff. 'Jeff the cat' if you want to be formal. For those thinking this is a negligent thing, please remember that allowing someone to name a pet of mine, is akin to allowing someone to name one of your children. Generally speaking it just not on. But I really, really wanted a cat, and he really, really only wanted one if he got to name it. And we welcome Jeff the Cat to our humble abode.

Stay tuned by the way, Jeff could have an entire blog dedicated to him. He is part cat, part ninja, and quite possibly part man beast also.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year?

Not really, I think I used the generic “I will loose weight and get fitter”. This once again lapsed and waned throughout the year as it does every year, in relation to the weather, my motivation and occasionally the price of vegetables.

This year I decided to really challenge myself though and aim to learn Spanish. This may also lapse and wane throughout the year in relation to the weather, my motivation and occasionally the realisation I don’t actually need to learn Spanish for any reason whatsoever other than I needed a new years resolution.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes my best friend did. He was very early and came after a mighty long wait to his parents, but Mr Darcy did indeed enter the world in 2009, and Mr J and I became his proud God Parents. (There is a possibility my best friend regrets the drunken pact we made many moons ago to be godparents to each others children, based on the fact I’m still going around making drunken pacts and she probably thought I too would be married with children by now and make an calm inspiring God Mother….but if this regret thought is running through her mind, she hasn’t voiced her concern thus far, so I continue to lead the way in my shining light and all that jazz. My efforts thus far have been to remember to send up a Christmas Present, so I think I’m doing okay.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

I was quite close to my Toshiba. We try not to talk about it.

5. What countries did you visit?

None, just a few useless states, like the state of hysteria a couple of time, but Mr J does a good job of stamping my passport and bringing me back to solid ground.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Patience. And possibly a pony. I miss my ponies, as for patience, can't miss what I never had, but at my (ahem) advancing age, about time I learnt the art of patience. (or is it a virtue? Never mind, I’m bored and want to move on)

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory and why?

Being incredibly hopeless with numbers, I don’t actually remember dates. Just events. That’s boring isn’t it?

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I got to see my name in print, in an actual book, you know, like one people pay money for an everything. Insert satisfied smile here.

9. What was your biggest failure?

The denim shorts I thought were cute. They aren’t. I need to face facts, denim shorts, now I am the wrong side of 35, may never be cute again. Insert big sad sigh here.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I suffered through numerous hangovers, and that was enough.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A smile to Mr Js face. Bahahaha, that was seriously the worst line I have ever written.

It was actually the smile I bought to your face.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

At the risk of being serious for a minute, human nature continues to amaze me, and I hope one day when I grow up, I’m as strong as some of my friends are.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Tiger Woods, I thought he was on of the good ones, what an arsewipe. Also taking the aresewipe award is my friends ex-boyfriend. Insert a barrage of swear words here….

14. Where did most of your money go?

I have no idea, this thought might be what appalls and depresses me in next years survey though.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Jeff the cat, he was an outstanding highlight.

16. What song will always remind of you 2009?

All Summer Long, Kid Rock. It seemed to be everywhere

17. Compared to this time last year, are:

a)happier or sadder? I’d like to say happier, but worried you may think I wasn’t happy at the end of 2008. Rest assured, I got to kiss Mr J at midnight in 2008, then at midnight in 2009, and will again at midnight in 2010, so I’m a happy girl.

b)thinner or fatter? Fatter. Fatter by the way is horrible word, I cringed just typing it.

c) richer or poorer? Probably the same, I’m eternally hopeless with money.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Writing.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worrying, sometimes my mind just thinks of things to worry about. I wish I could fix that.

20. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Yes, see references to Jeff the Cat. I could say I fall in love everyday with Mr J, but he might read this and accuse me of being a soppy fool, so I won’t. (though technically I got it in anyhow)

21. What was your favourite TV program?

Californication. I was late to the party with this show, but became hooked after getting season one on DVD.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Hate starts wars, so I would rather just strongly dislike. So yes, I strongly dislike my friends ex boyfriend.

23. What was the best book you read?

Please, I beg you, don’t ever try to make me pinpoint a favourite book! Its akin to asking someone which of their children they love best.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?

See answer 23, but replace the word 'book', for artist, song, singer, or lyric.

25. What did you want and get?

Jeff the Cat. Totally awesome.

26. What did you want and not get?

A new car. Patience, and a pony.

27. What was your favourite film of this year?

Oh tuff choice, can’t bloody think, NEXT.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 29F, and I went out to dinner with Mr J where I probably ate too much thai and drank too much wine.

29. How you would describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

I don’t think I had a fashion concept, I was too busy coming to terms with the Bras and Things lady telling me I my boobs were a Double D, thereby rendering my 27 C cup bras living in the draw at home utterly useless.

30. What kept you sane?

My J, music, Jeff the cat, alcohol and my pissy cat dolls.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Hugh Jackman, not only am I in lust with him, I just my genuinely be in love with him.

32. Who did you miss?

My pissy cat dolls.

33. Who was the best new person you met?

See answer 23, but replace the word “book” with ‘friend”.

34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

Good things come to those who wait. Toshibas are shit.

35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Every now and then,

I get a little lost

My strings all get tangled

The wires all get crossed

Every now and then

I’m right upon the edge

Danglin’ my toes out over the ledge

I just thank God you’re here

Cause when I’m a bullet shot out of a gun

When I’m a firecracker comin’ undone

When I’m a fugitive ready to run

All wild-eyed and crazy

No matter where my reckless soul takes me

Baby you save me