Thursday, April 22, 2010

Inside the Underwear Drawer

So I was thinking tonight that over the last couple of years I have managed to discuss an entire range of things on this blog.

Men, love, relationships, work, accessorising, hair removal, cats, dogs, horses, weight control (or lack there of) alcohol intake (or lack there of), hell, I think even my puppies have rated a mention a time or two, and I don’t mean the barking yapping kind.

But here’s something I’ve never dedicated a post to before. Underwear.

Sorry bout the left of centre idea, but my sister reminded me tonight (having learnt of my new love of aprons) that I once had a wardrobe just for my g-bangers. This is an exaggeration of course, wasn’t a wardrobe at all, was a mere cupboard / sideboard affair…. Joking.

I did once have 56 pairs of knickers though, and for the record they will actually fit into just a couple of drawers, and let’s face it, my knickers use to consist of a lot less material than they do now.

These days it’s all about the boy legs, the comfort bonds undies, or the big suck-my-tummy-in-tight versions,. I wore my big Bridget Jones undies to a wedding one night and TLOML (the love of my life remember, far out, don’t you folk pay any attention?) well the TLOML was mortified as when I sat down at one stage, my dress rode up a bit and you could see the long legged beige ‘I’m too old and fat to wear a fitted dress without this underwear’ show somewhere on my (rapidly aging and expanding) thigh.

Turns out he wasn’t embarrassed by the flash of thigh on show, poor deluded bloke still thinks they are perfectly acceptable (bless him and the horse he rode in on) but worried the world (well, anyone briefly glancing my way for around two seconds) saw that I had succumbed and wore such tasteless panties.

Actually whilst we are on the subject of knickers, does anyone else cringe when they hear the word ‘panty’. It’s wrong on so many varying levels, just because I say so.

So anyway, that was the last time I wore the Bridget Jones, after I shoe horned my way into them, which took about half an hour, I discovered it then takes an additional half hour to get them off . Needless to say, all but the most ardent lover would have given up by then, if they hadn’t have already been turned off by the mere sight.

These days I no longer have 56 pairs of knickers, I’m down to a mere 24 or so, its much more manageable, except for the fact as I mentioned, they are somewhat bulkier than the undies of my youth. In fact, in a few more years I may as well just wear a burka and be done with it. Now, moving on….

This leads me to bras. Does anyone wish to move on the bras now? I’m hoping not, cause I’m not quite ready to discuss them yet. That moment in Bras and Things where I discovered I was at least a D cup, still has me hyperventilating, nor have I worked out what to do with the numerous C Cup bras I still own, which for the record quite possibly match the underwear count.

Something I would like to know though is do men really admire underwear as much as I do? Now, TLOML is certainly a practical fella, so he doesn’t seem to even notice if it matches, has lace, cute prints, or merely holds my puppies up. (not the barking kind) On the bright side, I no longer feel the urge to stuff my drawers (the storage kind) with expensive, cutesy, pretty, seductive, or raunchy underwear.

Granted, I still have a lot of it, some fetishes never die we just merely learn to quash them down a bit, but the amount residing in there is more of a leftover from the old days and a reluctance to throw them out.

So that’s my knicker story, riveting wasn’t it?

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