The Great Weight Debate

I’m feeling a little fat tonight. Seeing as I am a good five foot nine and barely hit double digits on my clothing label, I see the irony of this and am disappointed in myself to even have the nerve to sit here and feel this way. Because in my heart I know I am nowhere near fat. Yet I can’t help it, it must just be a bad hair day.

It got me to thinking about how as females we are just never quite happy with our outward appearance. The ‘enough’ monster rules our lives…..we believe we are never quite thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough or good enough. I could point you out all of my girl friends one by one, and you would see that there is something attractive and intriguing about all of them. Some may be perceived by outward appearances as conventionally prettier than others, but not one of them, not even a drunken male in a bar, would dare look at any and say they are unattractive. They in turn have lovely hair, or skin, or smiles or eyes. They all have personalities that make you want to get to know them more. They include tall and short and everything from a size 6 to 22. All have something about them that has attracted the attention of others at various points in their lives. They are in short, lovely.

I don’t know one of them though, that hasn’t looked at themselves on a regular basis and been unhappy with what they see. I don’t think I could pinpoint one female that I know of, who doesn’t view their reflection in the mirror and hear the enough monster in their head. If they are thin they wish they are prettier, if they are pretty they wish their legs were longer. We always seem to think we should look better than we do.

I wonder what makes us think this way? Is it males or females, ourselves or society to blame? The more I ponder it, the more I think it’s our own heads that are never quite satisfied. I can look at my friends some days, and be almost shocked anew by how attractive some of them are. I have seen men turn their heads as they pass, yet I know that earlier in that same evening before venturing out, they have agonized over how they look or wished for some small change in their face or body.

I would not be the only one reading this, to have been told by our loves how beautiful and wonderful we are. I wonder how many of us really believe it? How many of us bypass this comment thinking they are saying only what we want to hear?

I have watched my sister struggle with her weight and diets over the years and yet she has no idea how gorgeous she is. She is tall and womanly with luscious locks and a winning smile. She has a husband who I know adores her and sees in her the woman I think she struggles to see in the mirror. Sometimes I wish I could tell her this, yet even if I did I fear like most of our gender she wouldn’t believe it. She used to bravely joke to people that I got the skinny genes …… and maybe I did just luck out in that department…. but her looks and personality far outshine mine. Yet for all those brains and beauty, the enough monster seems to lurk in her head too.

I don’t think I can continue to blame men for this enough business either. The more I observe, the more I recognize that men are far less self conscious of their own bodies, and less noticing of our than we give them credit for. In fact, none of them I know hold any fear in stripping off at the beach or walking naked to the bathroom, no matter what their weight or looks. Whilst we sit covered in a towel and worry about the couple of extra kilos we are wearing on our hips. They don’t seem to notice the extra padding or the blemishes on our skin as much as we as we notice them ourself. We meanwhile, are so busy fretting about these small things we probably stop ourselves from having fun. I’m guilty in the past, of knocking back a game of volleyball on the beach for fear of how I would look bouncing around in a bikini, thinking to myself I didn’t want to stand out at the same time by playing and wearing a cover up. What a waste of a sunny day on the beach, because I chose to hide myself in the water or under a shirt.

So I’m quite sad I’m feeling fat and unattractive tonight, because I know full well its all in my own head.

I hope one day I manage to rid myself of this enough monster I carry around, and I hope anyone reading can rid themselves of theirs too.

Until then, just keep knowing I think you are all fabulous okay? J